


We Can Live Forever

by NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 21:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8939488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: Yixing makes him feel different





	

 

“I want ice cream.”

“Jongdae…” Eunji frowns at the teenager. Jongdae knows what she’s going to say but he doesn’t want to hear it. He really, _really_ wants some ice cream.

“I haven’t had anything but soup for the past two weeks! Please, Eunji, _please_!”

“But—“

“Please, please, please,” Jongdae cuts her off. He knows Eunji is stubborn but he’s even more stubborn and he’s going to get some ice cream if it’s the last thing he does.

Eunji starts saying “Jongdae,” but, before she can get anything else out, he cuts her off again.

“I need to get some fresh air. I’ve been cooped up in here for five hundred years; you need to let me out if you don’t want me to go crazy!”

Jongdae can see the Eunji‘s resolve breaking. He puts on his biggest pout—Eunji’s one and only weakness—and bats his eyelashes. She rolls her eyes at him but when Jongdae hears her resigned sigh, he knows he’s won.

“Fine—but don’t start celebrating just yet, Kim Jongdae,” she snaps at the look of triumph that spreads across the younger’s face. “You have to be back in 20 minutes.” Jongdae enthusiastically nods his head and Eunji sighs again. “Put on some sunscreen; it’s really sunny. Take an umbrella too. And put on your cap. Also, don’t forget—“

“Noona,” Jongdae cuts her off for the third time and he’s sure Eunji would’ve yelled at him this time if he hadn’t called her _noona_. He never calls her noona.

Eunji raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“Stop worrying,” he flashes her his cute, kittenish smile and walks to the door. “It’s not like I’m going on a five-week hike through the desert. The ice cream parlor is literally just ten minutes away.”

“Still! Jongdae are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?”

“No!” Jongdae’s already rushing out the door as he calls out, “Thanks, Eunji!”

He hears her faint, “Be careful! Don’t run, Jongdae! Walk slowly!” and chuckles, slowing down.

The teenager cheerfully swings the umbrella he grabbed on his way out and hums as he makes his way to the elevator. Just as he gets to it, the shiny metal doors open and an old man, followed closely by his daughter, hobbles out.

“Jongdae, hello!” he greets Jongdae happily. “Going out?”

“Yup! For ice cream. Would you like to come with, Mr. Shim?”

Mr. Shim shakes his head, smiling sadly, “I’m afraid I can’t, Jongdae. I’ve got a hot date with my bed.”

“Well, then don’t let me keep you,” Jongdae laughs. “But you should join me one day.”

“One day,” Mr. Shim’s smile grows even sadder. “If I’m not dead by then.”

Jongdae frowns but doesn’t say anything. What could he even say to that? Fortunately, he’s saved from having to come up with a response by Mr. Shim’s daughter, who mumbles, “Stop saying stuff like that,” and drags him away.

“Have fun, kid.” Mr. Shim waves Jongdae goodbye.

Still frowning, Jongdae waves back. “Yeah… thanks.”

With spirits significantly dampened, Jongdae trudges into the elevator. He knows it’s not Mr. Shim’s fault but he still blames the old man for ruining his mood. He’s finally going to get ice cream after two weeks of craving it and now, thanks to old Mr. Shim, he can’t even enjoy it properly.

Jongdae grumbles to himself about his day being ruined but, as soon as he exits the elevator and slowly walks out of large, white gates, he feels instantly better. He loves going out, leaving that horrid building he has to live in, breathing in air that smells grassy and windy and just so _natural_.

He walks slowly, swinging his umbrella with every step.

The sight of the ice cream parlor brings a smile to Jongdae's face. He and Baekhyun used to go there all the time. They went there so often that everyone who worked there knew them. Jongdae wonders if they still remember him. He hasn’t been there in a while.

As soon as he enters, the first thing Jongdae notices is how many people there are. The place is absolutely crowded, which is understandable since it is the middle of summer but Jongdae was definitely not expecting to see so many people. He looks around and self-consciously adjusts his cap.

“Jongdae!”

Jongdae jumps and spins around to see, Joohyun, his favorite employee at the ice cream parlor, smiling very happily at him from behind the counter.

“Hey, Joohyun,” Jongdae grins, “Long time no see.”

“I know!” she exclaims and, after a moment, asks, “The usual?” even though she knows the answer.

She’s already scooping Jongdae's ice cream by the time he says, “Yep!”

After paying and thanking Joohyun, Jongdae looks around again. There is no place for him to sit and he doesn’t want to go back to Eunji and her constant fussing just yet. Sighing, Jongdae walks out of the parlor to find a place to sit outside.

As soon as he leaves the cool, air conditioned interior of the parlor, a gust of hot, sticky air hits Jongdae square in the face, making him wince. There are a few empty benches but all of them are directly under the sun. The only bench protected from the harsh rays is occupied by a boy and his guitar. Unfortunately for Jongdae, the boy doesn’t look like he’ll be getting up anytime soon.

Jongdae thinks about sitting in the sun before concluding that that’s a very bad idea. The only two options he has left are going back or sitting with the stranger.

He observes him for a few seconds. The boy looks to be around his age, maybe a year or two younger. He’s wearing a bright green cap, has a cone of bright pink ice cream in his hand and is smiling a very bright smile. Overall, he seems like a bright person. He definitely doesn’t look mean or particularly threatening in any way and, even though Jongdae isn’t great with strangers, he is by no means a shy person. So he slowly walks over to the bench with his friendliest smile on his face.

When Jongdae is just a step away, the boy finally notices him. He smiles kindly and the first thing Jongdae notices is the deep dimple that forms on his cheek. He’s distracted by it for a second before he finally snaps out of it and asks, “Can I sit here?”

The boy smiles a little wider, nodding. He makes room for Jongdae, scooting a little bit to the edge of the bench and dragging his guitar with him.

“Thanks,” Jongdae says, sitting down a little awkwardly because he seems to have forgotten how to act in front of ‘normal’ people. “I’m Jongdae, by the way.”

The boy shows off his dimple once again. “I’m Yixing.”

“So, um…” Jongdae decides to try and make conversation. Nice ice cream.”

He mentally scolds himself for sounding so awkward. That’s what lack of practice does to a person. He makes a mental note to tell Eunji about this to convince her to let him go outside more often so he doesn’t become completely antisocial.

Yixing doesn’t seem to think he’s too weird though because he flashes Jongdae another smile. “Yeah, it is. Cotton candy. What’s yours?”

“Choco-strawberry swirl,” Jongdae proudly says. Not many people share his taste in ice cream which makes Jongdae feel very important and hipster.

Yixing’s eyes grow a little wide. “Choco-strawberry swirl? I’ve never tried that before!”

“Well, you should,” Jongdae says seriously. “It’s the best ice cream flavor out there.”

“Really?” Yixing looks skeptical. “I don’t know, I really like cotton candy.”

“Cotton candy is okay, I guess. It’s really sweet and perfect for little kids—”

“Hey!” Yixing interrupts Jongdae, looking mildly offended. “Cotton candy is not just for little kids!”

He’s flailing his hand around, trying to scold Jongdae but all Jongdae is looking at is how the ice cream on Yixing’s cone is dangerously close to falling off.

“Um Yixing,” he tries to warn the boy. “You might want to stop moving your hands so much.”

“Huh?”

Too late. Yixing hasn’t even realized he’s holding an empty cone; he’s just staring at Jongdae with wide eyes, still looking somewhat offended.

“You dropped your ice cream.”

Yixing’s face goes through a series of highly exaggerated expressions once he realizes what Jongdae is talking about. First there’s confusion, of course. Then shock. Then anger. And then finally, despair.

“My ice cream!” he whines, staring at the fallen treat. “My baby!”

Jongdae laughs. “Stop being a drama queen, man. Just buy a new one.”

“I can’t just buy a new one,” Yixing turns to glare at Jongdae.

“Why not?”

Yixing sighs, deflating. “They’re all out of cotton candy. I got the last scoop.”

“That’s perfect!” Jongdae jumps to his feet. “Now you can try choco-strawberry swirl and see what you’ve been missing out on your whole life.”

It takes a bit of persuasion but Jongdae manages to convince Yixing to spend the rest of his pocket money on, what Jongdae tells Yixing will be, a life changing experience.

When Yixing takes his first lick, Jongdae watches very closely. If Yixing wasn’t so preoccupied with his ice cream right now, Jongdae is sure he would have been creeped out by how intensely he’s being watched.

“Well?” Jongdae asks, a little apprehensive. “Do you like it?”

None of his friends are fond of choco-strawberry swirl. Baekhyun had even called it an ‘abomination’ once. Jongdae doesn’t understand why. Even though he loves it, he doesn’t think the ice cream is interesting enough to deserve that title.

“It’s good!” Yixing exclaims. “Not as good as cotton candy, though. But still good.”

Jongdae groans, deeming the boy a lost cause.

As they both finish their ice cream, the two boys talk. They don’t really talk about anything in particular, topics ranging from the importance of ice cream in daily life to Yixing’s Chinese heritage to which superpower would be the most fun to have.

“I’m not going to be all mainstream and say invisibility or flight,” Jongdae the Hipster declares. “I think the power of lightning would be super cool.”

“The power of lightning?” Yixing laughs. “So what, electricity?”

“Okay, not just lightning. Storms. The power of storms.”

“That sounds kind of lame to me,” Yixing giggles at Jongdae’s gasp. “It also sounds very destructive. If I could have any superpower, I’d choose the power to heal.”

A year ago, Jongdae would have poked fun at anyone who’d choose _healing_ as their superpower. But now, he thinks Yixing may be on to something.

“What would you heal?”

Yixing must have been expecting Jongdae to make a snide remark at his choice of power because he takes a minute to answer. “I’d heal hearts,” he finally says. “Broken hearts and corrupted minds and lost souls and, of course, ill bodies. I’d heal anything that needs healing and stay far away from things that don’t because, you know what they say, ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’” Yixing says the last bit in English with a funny accent and Jongdae burst out laughing.

“Don’t tell anyone I said this,” Jongdae tells Yixing when he’s finally gotten all his giggles out. “No one would ever believe you even if you did. But your superpower might actually be better than mine.”

Yixing beams at him, dimple so deep and bright it almost blinds Jongdae.

Eventually, Jongdae remembers he has a curfew and reluctantly checks his watch. He almost has a heart attack when he sees he spent not 20 but 80 minutes at the ice cream parlor. The thought of leaving Yixing has him unwilling to get up. He’s known the boy for an hour but it feels like they’ve known each other for years.

“Hey, Yixing” he forces himself to say, interrupting Yixing’s story about how he once got attacked by pigeons at his grandmother’s house back in China. “I kind of have to go now.”

“Oh,” Yixing frowns, looking as disappointed as Jongdae feels.

“Yeah, I'm already late,” Jongdae sighs. He has to get back quick, before Eunji files a missing persons report. Yixing nods, waving a tiny wave when Jongdae stands up.

“See you around!” Jongdae waves back and hurriedly walks away, ignoring the little pang in his chest because he knows he probably won’t ever see him around.

On the walk back, Jongdae feels sad but he also feels incredibly happy. He feels normal, something he hasn’t felt in a while.

Unfortunately, his happiness is gone as soon as he steps in through the dreary hospital gates and comes face to face with Eunji. She has her phone is one hand, Jongdae’s phone in the other and a look of pure malice on her face.

_Oh, shit._

“Kim Jongdae!” she screams, charging at him. “Twenty minutes. I said twenty minutes and you took over an hour! And you didn’t even take your phone with you! Why aren’t you using your umbrella? Are you tired? Are you alright? How could you just leave your phone? Seriously, Jongdae what if something had happened?”

Eunji keeps fussing over and chastising him all the way to the elevator.

“Sorry. Lost track of time,” Jongdae mumbles, trying to tune out her incessant shrieking. She’s still lecturing him by the time they get to his room.

Forcing Jongdae into his bed, Eunji tells him to rest. “Isn’t your hyper friend coming to visit today? You need to store up some energy to deal with him.”

Jongdae yells at Eunji that he’s not tired and Baekhyun isn’t that hard to handle, but as soon as the nurse is out of the room, he slumps down, exhausted, and falls asleep almost immediately.

Almost as soon as he falls asleep, Jongdae is woken up by an obnoxiously loud voice yelling, “Holy _shit_!” right into his ear.

Groaning, Jongdae opens his eyes to glare at his best friend. “What are you doing here so early? Weren’t you supposed to come at four?”

“I’m actually late,” Baekhyun pouts from the where he’d just tripped over the chair next to Jongdae’s bed. “It’s already five o’clock.”

Jongdae’s a bit amazed because he was so sure it was still two in the afternoon and he had _just_ fallen asleep, and more than a bit disoriented because apparently he’d been asleep for three whole hours.

“Why are you so late, then?” he eventually asks.

“Got sidetracked,” Baekhyun shrugs from the floor, not bothering to get up after his ungraceful fall. “There was this cute guy downstairs. He was singing to kids and looking so hot…” he trails off dreamily.

Jongdae rolls his eyes. Typical Baekhyun. “Well, it’s almost time for my radiotherapy so we can’t hang out for long.”

“But I just got here!” Baekhyun starts whining, finally picking himself up off the floor.

“That’s your own fault.”

“It’s not my fault! If anything, it’s the cute guy’s fault! He’s hot and plays guitar, which means he’s exactly my type.”

Jongdae chooses to ignore him and closes his eyes, trying to go back to sleep until Eunji comes to take him down to radiotherapy.

“Speaking of hot guys who play guitar,” Baekhyun continues, “where’s Dr. Park?”

Jongdae wrinkles his nose, “Gross, Baek.”

“Don’t be homophobic.”

“I’m not being homophobic,” Jongdae forces himself to open his eyes in order to glare at his friend. “I just think it’s creepy you have a crush on a fifty year old man.”

“He’s not fifty!” Baekhyun squawks indignantly. “He’s like 35 tops! And it doesn’t even matter anyway,” he says, climbing into Jongdae’s bed. “Age is just a number.”

“Not if it’s illegal,” Jongdae snorts.

“It’s not illegal, you twat. I'm already a legal adult!”

“Baekhyun, Dr. Park was already _at least_ 17 when we were just babies—”

“Love is love!”

The door suddenly opens and Eunji comes barging in. “What are you two yelling about? Baekhyun, get off Jongdae’s bed. Jongdae, it’s time for radio.”

Jongdae bids farewell to Baekhyun, who pouts again and hugs him, saying, “I’ll come back sometime next week. My parents are taking me on another stupid trip.”

Jongdae chuckles at his friend’s sour expression. Baekhyun’s family is always going on vacations, road trips and adventures. Baekhyun hates it but Jongdae is actually kind of jealous of him.

Dr. Wu is already there when Jongdae gets to the radio room, as he likes to call it. It sounds a lot less scary than radiation lab.

Jongdae ends up falling asleep in the middle of his radiation therapy and is woken up by a gentle pat on the arm by the doctor.

“You must have been really tired if you were able to sleep in that head mask,” Dr. Wu smiles teasingly.

It’s true, Jongdae was very tired. He still is tired. All he wants to do is go straight to bed and sleep until his mom gets back from work.

But no, he’s going to go up to the roof first because it’s part of his routine and he loves it up there. It’s the only place he’s allowed to go that doesn’t smell like _hospital_. It’s the only place where no one comes to bother him.

Well, except Eunji who comes to drag him back to his room once it gets dark.

So, for the sake of his sanity, he slowly trudges up to the roof and, although he’s already a little breathless, breathes a sigh of relief as he opens the door to greet the slowly darkening sky.

No one is ever there at this time of the day, so Jongdae is taken aback when he sees someone already occupying the little ledge he usually sits on. At first Jongdae is annoyed. The roof is the one place he can hide out without having people constantly fussing over him and now it’s been stolen from him.

But as he inches closer to the person, he realizes something. He stares at the person’s back, their guitar, their suspiciously familiar bright green cap.

Before he can stop himself, Jongdae blurts out, “Yixing?”

Yixing, or maybe it’s not Yixing, Jongdae isn’t even sure, yelps and jumps onto his feet, clutching his guitar to his chest. Jongdae’s heart leaps. It is Yixing. All thoughts of Jongdae’s safe space being invaded are gone in an instant.

When he sees Jongdae, Yixing’s startled expression morphs into one of absolute delight.

“Jongdae!” he exclaims, putting his guitar down and scrambling to Jongdae. “What a small world!”

“What are you doing here?” Jongdae asks, barely believing he’s actually seeing Yixing.

“I’m a volunteer here,” Yixing says, proudly. He stands a little straighter, showing off his dimple again. “Today is my first day, actually. I play song for the kids. Help cheer them up and stuff,” his smile wavers a little and then comes back in full force, dimple almost blinding Jongdae for the second time today. “What about you? What are you doing here? Are you also a volunteer?”

“Uh, no,” Jongdae shifts uncomfortably. “I'm a patient.”

Yixing just nods a little bit and, thankfully, doesn’t ask any more questions.

“So,” Jongdae starts, eager to change the subject. “You play guitar for sick kids, huh? How noble of you.”

Yixing blushes and walks back over to the ledge where his guitar is sitting. “It’s nothing like that. I just love playing and, for some reason, kids seem to love my music. Plus,” he smiles when Jongdae sits himself next to him, “my motives aren’t entirely selfless.”

“What do you mean?” Jongdae asks, watching Yixing play with the strings of his guitar.

“I know one of the kids and,” he pauses. “He’s not doing too well. So, I want to spend as much time with him as possible and make him smile as much as I can before…”

Jongdae ignores the familiar feeling of heaviness in his chest and mock gasps at Yixing. “You monster!” He clutches his heart, “And here I was thinking you were some sort of kindhearted saint but no, you’re just a disgusting, self-centered asshole.”

“Sorry you had to find out like this,” Yixing solemnly bows his head while Jongdae shakes his, muttering, “ _selfish, selfish, selfish_.”

Jongdae continues teasing Yixing, who laughs loud enough to wake up the entire hospital.

“Those kids were really sweet,” Yixing says, look at the ferris wheel in the distance once they’ve run out of clever ways to tease each other. “I wrote a few songs just for today and they seemed to really enjoy them.”

Jongdae wants to ask Yixing to play something but Eunji decides to pick that moment to show up.

“Jongdae!” she yells, swinging the metal door to the roof open. Both Yixing and Jongdae turn to look at her with a start.

“Oh, hello.” She says, clearly surprised to see another human on the roof with Jongdae. “I hope I'm not interrupting anything.”

All of a sudden, she smirks and, from the way the nurse’s eyes are flitting from him to Yixing, Jongdae knows exactly what Eunji is thinking.

“Okay, well I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Jongdae hastily jumps up and scurries over to Eunji before she can say anything embarrassing. “Bye, Yixing!” he calls out before completely disappearing from the brunette’s line of sight.

Jongdae isn’t given much time to feel guilty about abruptly leaving Yixing. As soon as they step in the elevator together for the second time today, Eunji starts nudging him.

“Who was that?” she asks, looking a little excited.

Jongdae shrugs, feigning nonchalance. “A friend, I guess. His name is Yixing. He plays guitar for the kids downstairs.”

Eunji keeps asking questions about Yixing even when Jongdae is all tucked up in bed.

“Eunji!” he yells when she asks him Yixing’s shoe size. “First of all, why do you even need to know that?” he narrows his eyes at her. “And second of all, I literally just met him today; I don’t know his whole life story for god’s sake.”

“I’m just curious okay!” Eunji defends herself. “And I'm glad you’re making friends who seem well-mannered and polite.”

Jongdae chuckles at the obvious shade Eunji is throwing at his best friend. He loves Baekhyun but Eunji is right about the boy not being the most polite and well-mannered teenager out there.

Jongdae hears his mom enter his room a few minutes after Eunji leaves.

“You’re up!” is the first thing she says when she sees her son. “I was worried you’d be asleep and I wouldn’t get to talk to you.”

“It’s just ten o’clock, Mom. I don’t get sleepy until at least after midnight.” A yawn immediately follows Jongdae’s words.

His mom smiles knowingly at him, sitting down next to his bed. “Eunji told me you went to get ice cream all by yourself today.”

“Yeah, I’m a big boy now, aren’t I?” Jongdae bats his eyelashes at his mom who giggles.

“My son is so precious,” she coos, pulling Jongdae’s cheeks. “Such a handsome boy with such a charming smile!”

“Mom, get off me!” Jongdae flails, pushing his mother away. “I thought you said you wanted to talk to me, not manhandle me.”

“Oh, yeah,” her smile disappears and she looks a little guilty. “Jongdae,” she starts, voice small. “I have to go out of town for a few days. I’m so sorry, honey. I wish I could skip it. I really don’t want to leave you. I even told my supervisor that I can’t go but this is a very important business trip and they really need me and—”

“Mom,” Jongdae cuts off his mom’s rambling. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. I understand.” He says it as sincerely as he can, trying to show his mother that he really does understand.

She has a job that keeps her so busy she can barely see Jongdae even though they live together. Sometimes he feels bad for his mom. She works from early morning to late night every day, sometimes even on weekends. He knows she mostly does it because she genuinely loves her job, but also so she can pay Jongdae’s hospital bills without having to give up food for a month.

“I should tell Eunji,” she says, grabbing Jongdae’s hand, squeezing then letting go. “I need to make sure she takes extra good care of you. And doesn’t let you run away.”

“I'm not going to run away, Mom.”

When Jongdae goes up to the roof the next day, Yixing is already there, strumming his guitar, looking lazily at the large wheel in the distance.

“Hello,” Jongdae says, sitting down.

Yixing stops playing and, immediately, Jongdae misses the soft music.

“Hey,” Yixing smiles. “Do you come up here every day?”

Jongdae nods, “Every day after radio.”

“Radio?” Yixing asks, slightly frowning as he puts his guitar back in its case.

Oh dear. Usually Jongdae avoids talking about all things related to his shitty health so he won’t have to see looks of pity being thrown at him. He hates himself whenever he accidently lets anything slip.

“Radiation therapy,” he tells Yixing.

Just like the other day, Yixing just nods and asks no further questions.

Jongdae wonders if he’s uncomfortable.

For a second there’s a bit of tense silence, then Jongdae pouts a little bit and points at Yixing’s guitar case.

“Hey, why’d you put it away?”

“What? My guitar? Yixing asks, looking confused.

“Yeah,” Jongdae pouts even harder. “Can you play something for me? Please? Please, please, please?”

Yixing laughs, “You’re worse than the kids.”

He takes his instrument out of its case a little excitedly, spurred on by Jongdae’s begging, almost banging it on the hard floor.

“Yixing! Holy shit, calm down!” Jongdae yells.

Yixing smiles sheepishly and positions the guitar on his lap.

“I’ll play you the kids’ favorite song,” he says, eyes crinkling. “They made me play it nine times today!”

Yixing plays a happy tune and starts singing in what sounds like Chinese. He has a nice, soft voice that makes goosebumps appear on Jongdae’s arm.

Without realizing it, Jongdae starts swaying side to side with the beat, laughing when Yixing gives him a smug look and says, “That’s the power of my music.”

Yixing plays more songs for Jongdae and Jongdae hums along to some of them, making Yixing look even smugger. Yixing tells him he should come down to watch him play for the kids one day.

When Yixing puts the guitar down, Jongdae immediately starts showering him with compliments.

“Those were some pretty impressive fingering skills, Zhang Yixing,” he teases, making Yixing burst into a fit of giggles and blush a deep red.

Yixing, in turn, compliments Jongdae’s humming, although his compliment sounds every bit as innocent as it is. Jongdae tells him he’d been in his high school’s choir and he used to love singing all the time.

“You don’t anymore?”

“Not really.”

Yixing doesn’t ask why.

When Eunji finally comes to get Jongdae, the only source of light on the roof is the tiny crescent moon above them. And the lights from the ferris wheel, but it’s too far away to actually light up anything.

“See you tomorrow!” Jongdae says, getting up and dusting off the bottom of his pants.

“Looking forward to it!” Yixing calls back as Jongdae rushes inside to catch up with Eunji.

It’s Jongdae and Yixing’s third meeting when Yixing finally asks what Jongdae is in the hospital for.

“What do you think I'm in a cancer hospital for?” Jongdae teases, laughing a little at the panicked look that settles on Yixing’s face. “Don’t worry,” he says, putting a hand on Yixing’s knee. “I’m just messing with you.”

Yixing doesn’t look reassured though, so Jongdae decides to just tell him.

“Brain cancer. Or _anaplastic astrocytoma_ , but I personally think brain cancer sounds less scary, don’t you.”

Yixing’s eyes widen comically and he looks so concerned, Jongdae almost feels bad for telling him. Yixing seems to realize he’s making a strange expression because he quickly schools it into a pokerface, though Jongdae can still see hints of worry and sadness.

“Oh,” he says.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Jongdae apologizes, removing his hand from where it had been resting on Yixing’s knee.

“No, no, no!” Yixing hurriedly says. “Don’t be sorry! I was the one who asked.” After a pause, he somewhat hesitantly asks, “Is it—are you getting better?”

Jongdae honestly doesn’t know if he is. He can’t really say he feels much better but according to Dr. Wu, he’s recovering really well and according to Dr. Park, he’ll be better in no time. Jongdae doesn’t even know if he wants to believe them because it seems way too good to be true.

He doesn’t want to burden Yixing with his worries though, so he just tells the brunette, “Yeah, my doctors say I’ll be fine.”

At this, Yixing looks relieved and continues asking questions that Jongdae is frankly quite tired of answering.

“I had a pretty rare tumor that was all tentacle-y and gross and it looked like long fingers were holding my brain,” Jongdae explains. He sneaks a look at Yixing, who’s wearing an unreadable expression. “Anyway,” Jongdae continues, “I had surgery and they removed it, or as much of it as they could, a little over a month ago. Now I'm doing radio to get rid of the rest.”

Yixing nods, softly saying, “I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.”

“Well, it’s not the most fun thing in the world,” Jongdae chuckles. “But at least I'm still alive.” _For now._

“And,” Jongdae adds, “I get to miss school.”

Yixing mumbles something about never complaining about his life ever again, making Jongdae smile.

They don’t talk much after that, both boys lost deep in their own thoughts. They’re just watching the ferris wheel spin round and round when Yixing’s phone suddenly rings, filling the strange silence with the bubbly voice of a Chinese pop singer.

“It’s my friend,” Yixing tells Jongdae before answering the call.

Jongdae tries not to listen but it’s quiet and they’re the only two people on the roof so he still hears Yixing’s say, “Hey Lu-ge,” and, “No, I'm still at the hospital.” And, “Yeah, I'm coming.” And, “No, it’s okay.”

When he finally hangs up, Yixing looks a little disappointed. “Sorry, Jongdae, but I think I should go now.”

Jongdae waves off the apology and says goodbye to Yixing with a small wave. He stares at the ferris wheel for a few more minutes before thinking he might as well go back too. It’s a little strange Eunji hasn’t come to drag him down yet.

What’s even stranger is, when Jongdae enters his room, his mom is already there.

“Jongdae,” she gasps as soon as he steps inside. “Where have you been?”

“Roof,” he tiredly tells her, climbing into bed.

His mother smiles and walks over to sit on the chair next to it. “Were you getting some fresh air?”

Jongdae sleepily nods.

“Don’t fall asleep just yet,” his mom frowns, shaking him fully awake. “I brought you soup!”

Jongdae groans. “Soup, really? I think I’ve had enough soup for a lifetime.”

“It’s homemade! You won’t get to have my homemade soup until next week.”

Jongdae groans again but graciously accepts the soup when his mom hands it to him.

The next morning, Jongdae is softly woken up by his mother, who quietly whispers, “Jongdae, I'm going now, okay? See you in five days. I love you. Bye.”

She kisses his forehead and Jongdae mumbles, “Bye, mommy.”

He hears her chuckle before falling back asleep.

It’s one of those days when Jongdae is bored and hates his life. Why is he stuck in a hospital? Why does he have cancer? Why is his life such a mess?

Eunji tries to cheer him up whenever this happens. She usually just calls Baekhyun who always comes running over to hang out and effectively make Jongdae feel better. But Baekhyun isn’t here.

“Why don’t you hang out with your roof friend?” Eunji suggests.

“I can’t,” Jongdae moans into his pillow. “We only meet on the roof after radio.”

“Didn’t you say he plays for Dr. Kim’s kids downstairs?”

“Yeah.”

“Can’t you meet him there?”

Jongdae ends up excitedly running all the way to the pediatric wing. He bumps into Dr. Kim on the way and the poor doctor almost falls. “Sorry, Dr. Kim,” Jongdae hurriedly calls out, still running.

Jongdae doesn’t know if he’s more excited to see Yixing so early in the day or to see Yixing play for the kids he never stops talking about. Probably both.

As Jongdae enters the pediatric wing, he can see Yixing surrounded by children, and even a few parents, in the tiny waiting room. Smiling at the sight of a dozen little boys and girls looking up at Yixing in awe, Jongdae quietly steps in the room, careful not to attract any attention to himself.

He finds a small unoccupied beanbag chair and drags it to a corner of the room to watch Yixing in peace. Yixing still hasn’t seen him and Jongdae is glad he can see Yixing in his element.

Most of the songs Yixing plays are the same ones he plays on the roof and Jongdae finds himself humming along to more than a few.

Yixing finally sees Jongdae in the middle of a song and pauses for a beat, flashing one of his blinding smiles. As soon as the song is over, Yixing announces that it’s time to take a break and hurries over to Jongdae.

“You came!” Yixing squeals like a little girl. “Did you like it? How was I?”

Before Jongdae can answer though, something small runs into Yixing’s legs and wraps two tiny arms around them, yelling, “Xing ge! You were so good!”

Jongdae laughs at the look of shock on Yixing’s face as the little boy gives his legs a squeeze and runs away. “Well, there’s your answer.”

“That’s Zitao,” Yixing tells Jongdae, who’s watching the kid run up to Dr. Kim. “His mom is friends with my mom.”

“Is he your selfish reason for coming here?” Jongdae asks.

Yixing smiles, plopping down on the edge of Jongdae’s beanbag chair. “Yeah, but now that I’ve grown way too fond of all the kids, they’re all my selfish reasons for coming here.”

Jongdae shakes his head, sighing. “I’ve never met anyone so selfish in my life.”

Soon, Yixing goes back to the middle of the room to play again and, minutes later, Eunji arrives to take Jongdae to radio. Yixing is too busy to notice him leaving but it’s okay because they see each other again on the roof.

It becomes a sort of routine for Jongdae. Every day, before radio, he goes to see Yixing play for the kids. Then, after radio, he goes to see Yixing on the roof, and usually makes him play again. By now, he has almost all of Yixing’s songs memorized, sometimes even singing along with the brunette even though he has no idea what he’s saying.

Whenever Jongdae sings along with him, Yixing lowers his own voice so he can hear Jongdae’s better. That is, until Jongdae catches on and seals his lips, shaking his head at a pouting Yixing.

One day, Yixing asks Jongdae where is parents are. It’s so out of the blue that Jongdae is a little taken aback. Yixing looks embarrassed and apologizes for being nosy. Jongdae tells him he apologizes too much.

“My parents are divorced,” Jongdae says. “And yes, I know my life sounds like a sad John Green book; the kid with cancer has divorced parents and was raised by his single mother who is never around.” Yixing cracks a smile at that so Jongdae continues. “Anyway, my dad lives in China, your homeland,” he says with a smirk, “with his wife. And my mom is currently away on a business trip.”

“Does she go out of town a lot?” Yixing asks a little cautiously, as if he’s afraid of overstepping boundaries.

“She used to,” Jongdae shrugs. “She stopped after I got sick but apparently this was unavoidable. She works a lot though. Like, all day long. That’s why I'm here, actually. You don’t actually have to stay at the hospital just for radio but my mom didn’t want me home alone.”

Yixing looks hesitant to ask more and Jongdae doesn’t really want to talk about this anymore so he pokes Yixing’s guitar. “Aren’t you going to play for me today?”

Yixing’s dimple, once again, tries to blind Jongdae. “Of course I am.”

When Jongdae gets back to his room that night, he has the urge to call his mom. All that mom talk on the roof made him miss her.

His mom sounds a little breathless, albeit happy to hear from Jongdae, when she picks up.

“Mom, are you busy?” he asks, instantly regretting calling and disturbing her.

“A little bit, but it’s okay. Is something wrong?”

“No, I just missed you,” Jongdae mumbles, snuggling into his covers.

The line is quiet for a minute and Jongdae thinks his mom must have hung up on him until he hears a sniffle.

“Oh, Jongdae,” she says softly. “I miss you too. So much.”

“Are you about to cry?” Jongdae asks. “Mom, please don’t cry.”

“No, no, don’t worry,” she tells him, voice breaking.

Jongdae sighs, “So, things are really busy?”

“Yeah,” his mom sounds like she’s already crying. “Jongdae, I know I was supposed to come back this week but things are really not going according to plan and it looks like I might have to stay longer.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” Jongdae soothes, wishing he could be with her to make her stop crying.

“I’m so sorry,” she keeps apologizing in her shaky voice. “I shouldn’t have left you. Now that I'm here, I can’t just get up and leave until everything is done.”

Jongdae keeps comforting his mom, telling her that it’s okay and he understands until he hears someone on her end calling her name. He tells her not to cry one last time before he hangs up and tells himself the same thing before he goes to sleep.

It’s one of the warmer nights on the roof when Jongdae leaves his jacket up there. Unfortunately, he only remembers about it when he’s already comfortably sitting in bed. Feeling grumpy, Jongdae stomps his way back up to the roof to retrieve it.

When he gets there, though, he’s surprised to see his jacket is not on the ledge where he left it, but with Yixing, who still hasn’t left.

“Yixing!” Jongdae yells, startling the brunette. “What are you still doing here?”

“Uh,” Yixing looks at Jongdae and then the jacket in his hands. “I was going to give this to you.”

“So, you stayed up here for half an hour to do that?” Jongdae raises his eyebrows.

Yixing shrugs, “I didn’t want to go home just yet.”

“Are you going home now?”

“No.”

“Then come to my room!” Jongdae pokes Yixing’s nose. “We can talk some more.”

The next day, when Eunji comes to whisk Jongdae away, Jongdae asks Yixing, “Are you going to go home now?”

When Yixing says no, he smiles.

“Well then you’re coming with me!” Jongdae latches himself to Yixing’s arm and drags the boy downstairs with him.

It becomes their new routine. They stay up on the roof, talking while Yixing plays his guitar as background music. Then, when Eunji comes to take Jongdae down, Jongdae takes Yixing with him.

One day, while they’re still on the roof, Jongdae asks Yixing why he doesn’t like going home.

“I wish I could go home,” Jongdae says, trying to keep the longing out of his voice. “Or at least leave here. I’d never voluntarily spend time at this place.”

“Well,” Yixing says, not looking at him. “I like spending time with you.”

Jongdae’s glad it’s dark outside because he can feel his cheeks heating up.

“How about before you started coming to my room?” he asks. “Why didn’t you go home then?”

“I don’t know,” Yixing shrugs. “I just don’t like going home I guess.”

Jongdae knows there’s more to it than that but he lets it be. For now at least.

Baekhyun finally comes back from his family vacation on one of the rare days Jongdae doesn’t have radio. He barges into Jongdae’s room early in the morning, shouting, “I’m here! Did you miss me Jongbae?”

Eunji, who had been fussing over Jongdae, groans. “Hello, Baekhyun. Welcome back.”

“Thanks, EJ,” Baekhyun winks at her, hopping onto Jongdae’s bed and hugging him. “Jongbaby! I missed you!”

Before Jongdae can tell him to get off, Eunji glares at Baekhyun, sternly saying, “Byun Baekhyun. Get off the bed now.”

Baekhyun whines but still complies, mostly because not even he has the guts to disobey Eunji. Still, when the nurse leaves the room, Baekhyun climbs back on the bed, cuddling up next to Jongdae.

Jongdae and Baekhyun talk (nonstop for hours because it’s _Jongdae and Baekhyun_ ) until Jongdae realizes it’s way past the usual time he goes to see Yixing downstairs.

He thinks about ditching Baekhyun but Jongdae is too nice and ends up taking his friend, who is still talking, with him.

Baekhyun loudly gasps as soon as he sees Yixing and has Jongdae instantly regretting his decision to bring him.

“He’s that guy!” Baekhyun whispers into his ear when they sit down at the back of the room. Jongdae wrinkles his nose at the feeling of his best friend’s hot breath in his ear.

“What guy?”

“The guy I told you about!” Baekhyun says excitedly. “The one who’s hot and plays guitar!”

“Oh yeah,” Jongdae remembers.

“You know him?” Baekhyun asks, wide eyed.

“Yeah we’re friends.”

Baekhyun gives him a look.

“What?” Jongdae asks, sensing trouble.

“Are you fucking?” Baekhyun smirks and Jongdae chokes on his spit. “Dicking? Porking? Sexing each other up?”

“Baekhyun!” Jongdae hisses, looking around to make sure nobody heard his friend.

“Are you?”

“No! We’re just friends!”

Baekhyun gives Jongdae a disbelieving look. Jongdae just ignores him.

“So, what’s his name?” Baekhyun eventually asks.

Reluctantly, Jongdae tells him, “Yixing.”

“Not Korean?”

“Chinese.”

“Interesting…” Baekhyun looks thoughtful.

“What,” Jongdae halfheartedly asks.

“Nothing, it’s just,” Baekhyun leans in a little closer, “Yixing is really hot, man. If you don’t want him, give him to me.”

Jongdae laughs. “What about Dr. Park?”

“Alas,” Baekhyun sighs dramatically. “I am in love with two men!”

Once Yixing puts down his guitar and finishes saying goodbye to the kids, Jongdae takes Baekhyun over to him to introduce his two friends to each other.

Surprisingly, Baekhyun doesn’t flirt with Yixing.

Jongdae will never admit it but he’s kind of relieved.

Two days before the end of Jongdae’s radiation, Yixing and Jongdae walk into Jongdae’s room to find someone sleeping on the chair next to Jongdae’s bed.

“Uh, Jongdae,” Yixing says. “There’s an unknown stranger in your room.”

Jongdae smiles. “Looks like mom’s back.”

On his last day at the hospital, Jongdae has a checkup with Dr. Park and then radio with Dr. Wu. He goes to see Yixing during the five minutes he has between the two.

“I want to hear you play again,” Jongdae whines, poking Yixing’s guitar.

“Hopefully, you will soon,” Yixing smiles, pulling Jongdae into a hug.

“Hopefully not here,” Jongdae mumbles into Yixing’s neck, making the older giggle and push him away.

“My mom is talking to Dr. Park right now,” he tells Yixing. Yixing hums. “Guess what?” Jongdae sounds way too enthusiastic for what he’s about to say. “He said I’ll have to come back for a checkup every week.”

“Am I hearing right?” Yixing gasps, pulling away from Jongdae. “Is Kim Jongdae _excited_ about having to come to the hospital every week?”

“It’s not because of you, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Jongdae glares at Yixing. “I'm excited because I’ll get to see little Tao again.”

Yixing pouts. “So you’re not happy, you’ll get to see me?”

“Seeing you will be the only downside of coming back.”

All throughout his radio, Jongdae tries to come up with a plan to try and see Yixing as much as he can. Maybe he can convince Yixing to visit him at home since Jongdae doesn’t actually want to visit the hospital aside from his weekly checkups.

He’s still thinking about it when Dr. Wu pats him on the back at the end of Jongdae’s last radiotherapy session. “Your hair is finally going to grow back,” he says with a grin. “Maybe not as nicely as you wish, though. It’ll probably be very patchy. Actually it might not even grow back at all. I once had a patient who…”

As Dr. Wu keeps rambling, Jongdae decides that he’ll invite Yixing to his house today. And then he’ll keep on inviting him. And that can be their new routine. Yixing can come over to Jongdae’s house every day.

He doesn’t even realize Dr. Wu has stopped talking until the man pats Jongdae on the back again and tells him to take care.

Satisfied with his plan, Jongdae rushes up to the roof to find Yixing, his mom yelling “Don’t take too long!” as he whizzes past her. He’s out of breath by the time he makes it up there.

“Jongdae?” Yixing says, surprised. “Aren’t you—”

“Come over to my place!” Jongdae breathes out. Yixing looks stunned and Jongdae laughs. “Let’s hang out at my house! It’ll be fun and my mom will drop you off later.”

Slowly, Yixing smiles. “Are you sure? Haven’t you gotten tired of me?”

“Shut up,” Jongdae shoves him. “Have you gotten tired of me?”

Yixing’s dimple shows up, blinding Jongdae for the millionth time since he’s met Yixing. “Never.”

“Then come on!” Jongdae wraps his hand around Yixing’s wrist and pulls him all the way to his mom’s car.

Jongdae’s plan ends up working. Yixing doesn’t come over every day, but he does visit Jongdae a lot. Those days are Jongdae’s favorite days. He gets to just sit at home and talk to Yixing almost all night long.

Jongdae is in his room, texting Yixing, when his mom comes in, pouting. It’s one of her rare off days and since the moment Jongdae woke up, she’s been hovering around him and pouting.

“Mom, why have you been pouting all day?” Jongdae asks, putting his phone down. His mom’s eyes light up a little and she sits down on his bed.

“I was thinking,” she says excitedly. “Since we never get to spend time together, how about we have a mother-son fun day!”

“Mother-son fun day?” Jongdae repeats. “With your eighteen year old son?”

“Yes! Come on, Jongdae! We’ll have so much fun! We can have ice cream and play board games and do puzzles and watch your favorite cartoons!”

That is exactly what they do. Normally, Jongdae wouldn’t consider playing _board games_ and solving _puzzles_ to be fun activities but he actually enjoys spending time with his mom doing, what he tells her are, old people activities.

Even though not much physical exertion is required to do those old people activities, Jongdae is exhausted and sleepy by the time the sun goes down.

His mom notices him falling asleep in the middle of their cartoon marathon and drags him to bed, tucking him in. She sits down next to him and starts singing him to sleep, just like she used to do when he was seven years old and missed his dad.

“Hey, Mom?” he mumbles, opening his eyes a tiny bit to look up at his mother. “Aren’t you tired of being single? I mean dad’s already married and you haven’t even dated anyone since,” Jongdae shudders, “Dr. Wu.”

Jongdae’s mom laughs, “I’m married too, you know. To my work. And I can honestly say it’s the best husband I’ve ever had.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes under his closed eyelids. “But aren’t you lonely?”

“Of course not! I have you.” She kisses him on the forehead, “Now sleep.”

Jongdae’s fourth weekly checkup ends up being on the day his mom has a meeting and Baekhyun has to leave for another family trip. Jongdae’s not upset though because it means he can, after a whole month of just hanging out with Yixing in his room and occasionally the children’s waiting room, finally hang out with Yixing on the roof.

Getting to the hospital is a bit of a hassle. He has to take the bus and walk a little so by the time he makes it to Dr. Park’s room, he’s almost completely worn out.

Dr. Park gives him _good news_ , telling Jongdae he can come for his check up in three weeks.

Jongdae thanks his doctor and eagerly goes up to the roof. Yixing isn’t there yet so he decides to hide. After exactly 14 minutes, the Chinese boy arrives, humming one of his songs. Jongdae quietly creeps up behind him, crouching a little. Yixing is too preoccupied with his humming and doesn’t notice Jongdae getting closer.

Jongdae’s not sure if he should pounce on Yixing or push him or just yell ‘BOO!’

He decides none of the above and inches close to the brunette’s neck. As quietly as he can, Jongdae sucks in a breath and blows.

The reaction is immediate. Yixing _screams_ , falling to the floor and clutching his hands to his neck. He buries his face in his knees and cries, “Get away! Please! I don’t have any money!”

Jongdae starts laughing so hard he can barely breathe. He too falls to the ground, right next to Yixing, and points at his friend, who has finally lifted his face from his knees and is looking at Jongdae with shock and betrayal all over his face.

“I wish I saw your face,” Jongdae wheezes. “That scream was priceless!” he starts rolling around on the dirty floor, clutching his stomach and still laughing.

“You’re so mean, Kim Jongdae!” Yixing yells, crawling over to Jongdae and climbing on him. “I hate you, go away!”

Jongdae tries to roll away from under him but Yixing pulls him back and, somehow, the two end up wrestling on the dirty roof, getting dust and who knows what else all over their clothes.

“I concede!” Jongdae finally gives up, tapping his cap on the floor, when Yixing has him pinned down under him. Jongdae feels like he doesn’t have a single breath in his body and he’s sure his face is bright red. And not just from exhaustion.

“What kind of monster are you, fighting a sick young boy?” Jongdae pants as Yixing helps him up.

“You started it,” is all Yixing says before ruffling Jongdae’s short but no longer non-existent hair.

When they settle down, Jongdae smiles at the ferris wheel.

“I missed that guy,” he says, pointing at the large, circular structure.

“He missed you too,” Yixing ruffles his hair again.

Jongdae swats his hand away. “You have got to stop doing that,” he warns, giving Yixing the most threatening glare he can create.

In response, Yixing does it again. “You’re cute,” he laughs when Jongdae screams.

One day, Yixing shows up to Jongdae’s door unannounced with two tubs of ice cream. One cotton candy and one choco-strawberry swirl.

“Today was my last day at the hospital,” he tells Jongdae, as he searches through Jongdae’s kitchen for two spoons.

Jongdae walks over to help him, asking, “Why? Did you get tired of it?”

“Of course not!” Yixing gasps. “I just won’t have time to go every day now because school is about to start.”

Oh yeah, school. Jongdae forgot that was even a thing. The last time he had gone to school was the day he’d fainted in front of everyone in the middle of a choir performance.

“So,” Jongdae starts, handing Yixing a spoon and leading the way to his room. “You’re probably going to be really busy, right?”

Yixing’s dimple shows. “Yeah, but don’t worry, Jongdae, I’ll still come visit.”

“I wasn’t worried!” Jongdae quickly protests but doesn’t bother hiding the huge grin that spreads over his face.

“You know,” Baekhyun says, lying with his arms and legs spread out like a starfish on Jongdae’s bed. “I’m worried Yixing is going to steal you from me.”

Jongdae snorts, shoving Baekhyun off his bed. “You’re the one who never visits anymore.”

“You know that’s because my family is always taking me to places I don’t want to go!”

“Yes, yes,” Jongdae rubs his temples. “Now, will you please stop screaming, you’re giving me a headache.”

“Sorry,” Baekhyun whines, climbing back on Jongdae’s bed, this time pulling Jongdae with him. “Go to sleep, Jongbaby,” he coos, snuggling into Jongdae’s chest.

Baekhyun ends up falling asleep first, Jongdae’s headache keeping him awake. He thinks about how he really does spend a lot more time with Yixing than Baekhyun. But Yixing won’t steal him away from his best friend.

Hanging out with Yixing is different than hanging out with Baekhyun, or any of Jongdae’s other friends for that matter. Whenever Jongdae is with Yixing, he just feels

different.

Jongdae never really feels great, health wise, but two weeks after his last checkup, he’s at an all time low. He hasn’t done anything all week but he’s still tired. He’s still only eating Dr. Park approved food but his stomach hurts. He’s sleeping well and hasn’t been exposed to any loud noises, not even Baekhyun, but his head hurts.

On top of all that, Yixing and Baekhyun both started going back to school, so he doesn’t have anyone to help cheer him up or distract him either. All in all, Jongdae feels sickly and weak and just awful all week.

He mopes around the house, complains to his mom as soon as she gets home and sends his two best friends lots of sad texts on a daily basis. Baekhyun usually replies with some nonsense only he understands and Yixing doesn’t even reply, which only makes Jongdae feel worse.

“Aw, is your boyfriend ignoring you?” Baekhyun teases him whenever he complains about Yixing’s silence.

“Shut up,” is always Jongdae’s clever retort.

Jongdae’s moping has risen to a max by Saturday. It’s the weekend, which means Baekhyun and Yixing don’t have school but they still can’t visit him because Baekhyun has to go to a family get together at his grandmother’s and Yixing is still missing.

By Saturday afternoon, Jongdae just wants to crawl into a little ball and sob. Why does he only have two friends? Why does his mom work on weekends? Why is he too sick to go to school? Why is he so desperate for human interaction that he _wants_ to go to school?

So many questions and no answers.

Frustrated to the point of insanity, Jongdae yells, “Shut the fuck up, will you?” at his phone when it starts ringing. He thinks about chucking it out his bedroom window until he sees who’s calling.

_Xing ^-^_

Jongdae scrambles to pick it up, almost actually throwing it out the window in the process.

“Yixing!” he yells. “Where were you?”

Yixing laughs, “Missed me?”

“You wish,” Jongdae spits, it’s not like Yixing can see he’s smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

“Are you free right now?”

“No, I'm very expensive always.”

“That sounds like something Dr. Kim would say,” Yixing groans. “Just answer the question, will you?”

“Yes, I'm free. Why? Are you coming over?” Jongdae is already excited. So much so that his headache even goes away.

“Yeah, and I'm taking you out so put on some decent clothes. No pajamas.”

“Out?” Jongdae inquires. “Out where?”

“It’s a secret. See you in ten,” Yixing says before hanging up.

Jongdae’s mind is a complete mess but he somehow manages to make himself look presentable by the time Yixing rings the doorbell.

Yixing doesn’t even give Jongdae time to say hi, pulling him out the door as soon as he opens it. “Lock it, fast. We have somewhere to be!” he says, jumping up and down.

“Calm down,” Jongdae laughs, closing the door. “So, where are we headed?” he asks once he’s checked, and Yixing’s double checked, that the door is locked and they can finally leave.

“It’s a surprise,” is all Yixing says.

Yixing tries to blindfold Jongdae but Jongdae refuses right away. “People are going to think we’re some kinky couple, Yixing,” he hisses, shoving the blindfold Yixing handed to him in his pocket.

“But how will you be surprised if we know where we’re going?” Yixing frowns.

Jongdae sighs, “How about I close my eyes?”

“Okay!” Yixing looks satisfied. “But you have to keep them closed the whole two bus rides there, okay? No peaking?”

“Two bus rides?” Jongdae nearly shouts. Yixing nods excitedly and Jongdae has no choice but to sigh again and mumble, “Fine.”

Agreeing to keep his eyes closed may not have been a bad idea, Jongdae thinks as Yixing helps him off the second bus with a tight grasp on his hand. Yixing held his hand the entire time. Even while they were just sitting still inside the buses.

Jongdae kept his promise and didn’t peak, partly because he wanted to be surprised as much as Yixing wanted to surprise him, but also because he didn’t want to see the disapproving looks he knew strangers were giving them.

“Okay,” Yixing says, after what feels like an hour but was probably just a few minutes of walking. “You can open your eyes now!”

At first Jongdae has no idea what he’s looking at, all he sees are a bunch of gears and metal rods. Then Yixing lifts his head a little bit and Jongdae realizes he’s standing in front of a ferris wheel. The same ferris wheel he and Yixing used to look at every day from the roof.

Jongdae is touched.

“Yixing,” he says, prying his eyes away from the wheel and looking at his friend. He doesn’t know what to say but Yixing saves him from having to come up with anything.

“You’re welcome. Now come on!”

They ride the ferris wheel four times—even though it actually isn’t all that exciting—just because they want to and they can. Jongdae still feels overwhelmed as Yixing takes him around to all the food stalls lined under the wheel.

Even as fatigue starts to make him a bit wobbly, Jongdae doesn’t want to leave. He’s filled with so many feelings towards Yixing he can’t think straight. Jongdae looks closely at Yixing’s face as the brunette is shoving some corn into his mouth and talking about all the types of barn animals he’s met.

Yixing has a really nice face. It’s smooth and clear and houses that wonderful dimple. Jongdae just can’t get over how cute that dimple is. He just wants to poke it. It’s so deep and charming and right next to Yixing’s lips. Yixing’s lips are really nice too. They’re full and pink and, even though his bottom lip has a bit of corn on it at the moment, they’re perfect.

Jongdae wonders what it would feel like to kiss those lips. His head spins a little at the thought. Maybe he should try it. If Yixing doesn’t kiss him back, he can just pass it off as a joke.

“Yixing,” he says, still staring at the boys lips.

Wait, why does Yixing have four lips all of a sudden? Aren’t people supposed to have two? Or is it one? What is the average number of lips on a person?

“Jongdae, are you okay?” he faintly hears Yixing ask, his four lips getting closer. If Yixing’s lips are so close, why does his voice sound so far away?

He’s about to call Yixing’s name again and ask why everything feels so weird but before he can even open his mouth, everything goes dark.

The first thing Jongdae finds out when he wakes up a day later is that his tumor is back. It’s regrowing, and at an abnormally fast rate.

After crying for nearly an hour, Jongdae calls Yixing to apologize for fainting on him in the middle of a public space at almost ten o’clock at night, but Yixing doesn’t even let him get the words out of his mouth.

“You’re up?” he screams into the phone, making Jongdae wince. “Why didn’t anyone call me?”

“Calm down, Drama Queen,” Jongdae smiles. “I'm calling you now.”

Yixing seems to know why Jongdae called him because whenever Jongdae gets close to apologizing, he says, “Don’t you dare,” and changes the subject.

Jongdae’s first surgery had been scary but the second one is even scarier. He hears Dr. Park telling his mom that Jongdae’s chances of survival have gone down, that it’s a fairly simple surgery but the fact that Jongdae’s cancer cells have started regrowing at an alarmingly fast rate could mean Jongdae might not wake up.

His mom holds his hand the entire night before the surgery, squeezing it so tight, Jongdae loses all feeling in it.

Even though they have school, Baekhyun and Yixing come to see him before he’s wheeled in. Jongdae wishes everyone would stop looking at him like he’s about to die. Well, he is about to die but he doesn’t appreciate the looks.

“Stay with us, Jongdae,” Dr. Park tells him before sticking a needle in his skin.

Jongdae blinks a few times before he can’t open his eyes anymore and, for the second time that week, everything goes dark.

This time when Jongdae wakes up, the first thing he finds out is that the surgery went well but he’s still very sick. No one needs to tell Jongdae for him to know that. He can feel how sick he is when he tries to move or speak or even think.

Baekhyun and Yixing still visit but they visit a lot less because of school. Jongdae is actually glad his friends can’t visit him often. He doesn’t want them to see him like this.

Somehow, things start to get even worse after that. _Everything_ hurts. Jongdae can barely think, his mind is constantly screaming, his ears are constantly ringing. It hurts to open his eyes, it hurts to breathe. It hurts to be alive.

Somewhere around the time Jongdae loses the ability to eat without the help of a tube, Yixing starts visiting him every day. Jongdae knows Yixing has school but still doesn’t question why the brunette drops by every day. He never has the energy to entertain Yixing, so Jongdae just stares at the ceiling and listens to Yixing quietly play familiar tunes or softly tell him how his day was.

Jongdae wants to be able to give Yixing his full attention, he wants to be able to reply to Yixing’s questions or laugh at his bad jokes, he wants to be able to ask Yixing why he still doesn’t go home until late at night. He wants to be able to be close to Yixing without constantly having his thoughts drift off to how tired he feels and how pathetic he is and how much _everything hurts_.

He’s tired. He’s tired and he just wants this to end.

Jongdae looks at Yixing as the boy plays with the string of his guitar on the chair next to Jongdae’s bed. He thinks about the ferris wheel and how happy Yixing made him the day he took him there.

“I wanted to kiss you,” Jongdae speaks for the first time in days.

Yixing immediately stops what he was doing and stares at Jongdae, eyes impossibly wide.

“What?” he whispers.

“At the ferris wheel,” Jongdae clarifies. His voice is rough and scratchy. It doesn’t sound like his voice at all.

“You wanted to kiss me?” Yixing looks stunned.

“Yes. Even though you had corn on your mouth.”

“Why?”

Yixing doesn’t see Jongdae rolling his eyes. “Because I like you, silly.”

There’s a moment of silence and Jongdae is too tired to even feel embarrassed about his impromptu confession.

But then Yixing kisses him.

“What was that for?” Jongdae squeaks, his voice the loudest it’s been in the past month.

Yixing smiles, but it’s not one of his normal smiles. It’s not happy and sweet and there’s no dimple in sight. “I thought you said you wanted to kiss me.”

Jongdae sighs, “Yixing, you didn’t have to do that just because you feel sorry for me. I know I may look it but I'm not some charity case.”

“No!” Yixing says loudly enough to make Jongdae’s ears start ringing. “I didn’t kiss you because you’re sick, I kissed you because I like you too.”

Jongdae’s not sure if he believes him but even so, he asks Yixing, “Then can you kiss me again?”

And Yixing does, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

And for a moment, Jongdae doesn’t feel like he’s dying. He doesn’t feel like he’s sitting on a hospital bed, losing his brain to cancer.

He feels like a normal boy kissing the boy he likes until neither of them can breathe.

Yixing’s lips are soft and warm and sweet. They feel perfect pressed against Jongdae’s cold, dry ones. Jongdae thinks it must not be very pleasant, kissing his weak, dying lips but Yixing doesn’t seem to mind, kissing his breath away at any given opportunity. It probably isn’t good for Jongdae’s health, being breathless so often.

But death by kisses sounds like a nice way to go.

Jongdae’s condition is not getting better. Even though his love life as suddenly sprung to live, his body cannot seem to do the same.

Jongdae has conflicting thoughts. He wants to feel better and fight for his mother, his friends, his boyfriend, himself. But it’s so hard. He just wants it to end. He wants to give up.

He starts sobbing one day. It’s never going to end. He’s never going to feel better. There’s no point in even trying anymore.

Yixing holds him and comforts him, or at least tries to, but Jongdae is already hysterical. He hears Eunji run into the room after he screams, “Just make it stop! Please!”

Yixing is holding his hand, playing with his fingers. He occasionally brings them up to his lips and presses tiny kisses on them.

He’s so handsome and kind and caring. He’s perfect. And he deserves so much better than this.

“Yixing,” Jongdae whispers so softly he’s not even sure Yixing can hear him.

But he does and looks up at Jongdae with a soft smile. “Hey, how long have you been up?”

“A while,” Jongdae tries to smile back. “I’m sorry Yixing.”

Yixing frowns and Jongdae wants to scream at him to bring the smile back. “Jongdae,” he brings Jongdae’s hand back up to his lips. “Please stop apologizing. None of this is your fault.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae says again, smiling slightly when Yixing narrows his eyes at him. “It’s just that you deserve someone who can do things with you and for you, someone who doesn’t constantly worry you, someone you can grow old with and have little mini Yixings with. Not someone who… could drop dead any second.”

“Stop that!” Yixing says sharply, surprising Jongdae by how angry he looks. His face softens and he sighs. “You are that person, okay? You are not going to,” he sucks in a breath, “die anytime soon, do you hear me? You are not allowed to come into my life and make me fall in love with you and just leave.”

“Yixing,” Jongdae starts but Yixing hushes him. He squeezes Jongdae’s hand and looks straight into his eyes.

“You are going to get through this, Jongdae. We are going to get through this. Just, please don’t give up.”

Jongdae doesn’t tell him he already has.

October comes around and Jongdae has never felt worse. He can’t do anything but try not to scream in pain every waking moment of every day.

He’s lying down with his eyes clenched shut and his mother rubbing his arm. He vaguely registers Dr. Park telling her they can do another surgery. He’s saying the same things he said before the last one. “It’s extremely risky but this time, I believe we’ll be able to get rid of it once and for all.”

“Once and for all?” Jongdae says through gritted teeth. His mother yelps, probably because she thought he had been asleep.

Dr. Park also looks surprised to see that he’s awake. “Uh, yes, but I must tell you, Jongdae, this procedure is more high-risk than the other ones we’ve done.” He looks back at Jongdae’s mom, “There’s a higher chance he might not wake up.”

“But if I do,” Jongdae looks at both his doctor and his mom with pleading eyes. “It will be gone, right?”

“Most likely, but—”

“I know it might come back later but it also might be completely gone, right?”

“Yes,” Dr. Park looks at Jongdae with concern.

“Please, mom,” Jongdae starts begging. “Please, this might just be the end of all this. Please.”

His mother is reluctant but Jongdae keeps pleading. He is determined to make it through this.

Jongdae’s surgery is scheduled for October 6, which means he’ll probably miss Yixing’s birthday. This leaves him in a grumpy mood the entire day.

Before he’s about to be wheeled in to the operation theater, Jongdae’s mom gives him a tight hug, getting his chest wet with her tears. Baekhyun also hugs him and makes him promise not to die.

Jongdae turns to Yixing when Baekhyun finally lets go.

“Yixing,” he starts but Yixing stops him.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know what you’re going to say, probably ‘I love you’ or something like that, but you’re saying it like it’s goodbye and I don’t want to hear it.”

Jongdae smiles weakly.

“You can tell me when you come out,” Yixing crosses his arms.

“I’ll try to be out in time for your birthday.”

Jongdae knows the clock is ticking and it’s almost time for him to go in. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but he wants to do something, just in case things don’t go well.

“Kiss me?” he asks Yixing.

Yixing smiles, shows off his dimple, which almost blinds Jongdae, and kisses him. It’s still the best feeling in the world.

He’s smiling when Yixing pulls away, whispering, “I’ll be waiting.”

He thinks about the kiss when a deep voice says, “We’re putting you under now, Jongdae. Stay with us, okay?”

Then everything goes dark.

But this time, everything stays dark.


End file.
